Saturday, March 18, 2006
@ 12:49 PM
hmmm... amidst all the work that i've gotta force myself to do, amidst all the pushing that i've gotta force my body to... its heavenly to enjoy this moment of relaxation, a pity my body is already to fatigued it feels unable to continue in any sense... every school day, we're fervently praying for the hols, but whenever the hols come, we fervently wish for the schooldays to start again for holidays seem as, if not more, torturous than schooldays. where is the break i deserve? where's the family time i have been looking forward to? where's the chill out time i juz wanna have? wth? just but work work work work work. sometimes i look into my life and laugh at myself.i'm working for BB and for schoolwork and sometimes expect happiness in the form of my social life? i muz be joking with myself. i'm using this form of motivation, this false hope kind of motivation to push me on. like i biah and biah for my work and chiong for my work and for BB and i'll be happy, i'll get my social life, i'll get, well, love. yea. i wun hide from anyone, but everytime after a freaking hard day slogging my guts out, i enter the mrt, all shagged, look around me an see all the groups of teenagers hanging around, see the teenage bf/gfs smiling at each other, holding each others' hands, all so happy, all so carefree, i feel like a piece of crap. i mean like WHY?! why muz my life be liddat? why muz the SEEMINGLY "Creme de la Creme" be subjected to such moulding? why muz life be such that every moment i have in life seems to be another moment of struggle?
actually, this post is actualli quite meaningless cos some parts of it is undecipherable because there's some stuff dat i cant reveal. onli a few of u know wat i'm talking abt larh. i mean, oh gawd its mental torture. i dun wanna spend my life in front of my comp, head deep in word and excel documents, or gawping at some crapped up pile of historical notes telling me that Galileo was Italian in one page. or spending my life worrying that i've got trigo test coming up with all the R formula and double angle formula or that i dun understand electricity, voltage and current, or that adrenaline is made in the cortex of the adrenal gland in the kidneys. TOOT MAN. like wow.
wat do i want? i want to enjoy my music, enjoy piping at the sunset, with my frens, with my family, relaxing and enjoying the sea breeze, enjoying the company. i wanna be out there racing, enjoy the thrills and the noise and the cars. i wanna be with you. yea. whoever u're gonna be. i wanna see your smile, feel ur warmth, gimme the strength when i feel i can no longer carry on, be together, enjoying life. i wanna be with you.
"somewhere out there..."